The Pitfalls of Modern Dating

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modern dating

Learn some of the key pitfalls to modern dating in this episode of Last First Date Radio with Marlisse Testa!

Marlisse Testa has been a psychotherapist in Boca Raton, Florida for over twenty years. She is trauma trained, a certified Nutritional and Integrative Medicine mental health professional, and a qualified clinical supervisor. She enjoys helping people heal from their past to find the healthy, happy love they deserve. In her book, Stow Your Luggage When Dating, Marlisse shares a unique set of tools for successful dating without bringing their old luggage along with them.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • When and how can we share our past ‘luggage’ on dates?
  • What are some pitfalls of modern dating?
  • What are some good questions to ask on dates to see if they are available?
  • How can people begin to heal from their past?
  • What is a healthy mindset to help with finding lasting love?

EP 508: Marlisse Testa – The Pitfalls of Modern Dating

Why did you write this book?

There’s such a high rate of divorce, and I have a technique that helps my clients find lasting love. People kept saying why don’t you help more people by writing a book, so I did! 

What are some of the pitfalls of modern dating?

There are three significant pitfalls:

  1. You don’t know who you are or have solid confidence. Heal from your past so you can find a healthy relationship. Many people haven’t healed.
  2. You haven’t healed from your past. Learn from past relationships to guide you into the next relationship.
  3. They don’t know the field. Understand how to read and understand people by asking the right questions to know if people are available or unavailable. 

What are some good questions to ask to find out if people are available for a relationship?

“Are you ready to get married again?” will tell you if they’re available or not, even if they don’t want to get married again.

As you listen to them talk, if they talk about a future with a partner, you will hear readiness. 

What are some ways to get started with healing from their past?

Start with listing all your long-term relationships, anything over six months, and writing down all the pros and cons. Our relationships help us see what we want and don’t want. Then, when you meet someone, and you want to know if there’s a red flag from your past, look carefully. Choose the top five non-negotiables. 

When and how can we share our past ‘luggage’?

Be careful about sharing your past too soon. Don’t bring past wounds into a new relationship. You can ask questions about the length of their relationships, something that will help you identify some values. Don’t talk about exes. I call that dating suicide. It means they’re still healing. It’s a big red flag. 

The first three dates, you’re getting to know whether you really like this person. As you keep dating, share little things about yourself. See how they respond. Less is more. Make sure they’re worthy of your companionship before sharing so much.

What can people do to get into a healthy mindset about dating?

Meeting new people, doing new things, trying new foods, are what dating is about. As we get older, we can get more rigid about things. Open your mind to introduce each other to new things. Think of it as an adventure, something exciting, even if it feels scary. It can bring out the child in you.

If you’re starting to feel a lull, take a break. Go back to dating when you have a better mindset.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Please find yourself and what you want before dating. Dating is an art of patience. If you need a break, take it. Make sure the partner you’re talking to is also doing the work. 

Watch this episode on YouTube

Get Marlisse’s free gift: Go to, scroll to the bottom and click ‘get in touch’, and email Marlisse with your first and last name, email and physical address and the first 15 listeners will get a free poster that helps create a list for your ideal mate.



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