The Power Within Relationships

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40 | 0 comments

steve schlossYesterday’s Last First Date radio guest was Steve Schloss, the author of  The Man’s Secret to a Happy and Sexy Marriage in Less Than 10 Minutes a Day. Steve was married for 24 years, went through a difficult divorce, dated and is now in a loving relationship. Through his life experience, Steve deciphered the key to a woman’s heart and has written a “playbook” for men on how they can reactivate love and intimacy in a relationship. Whereas other relationship books are theoretical, Steve’s approach shows men exactly what they need to do to make their woman happy. Steve shared great tips about making relationships work on my show yesterday. Following are loosely transcribed highlights of the show

1. Can you explain The Power Equation Within Relationships?

Power changes throughout a relationship. When a man and woman first meet, for example at a bar, a man will introduce himself and think he has the power and is making the first move. The woman has the power to accept or reject his advance. If she likes him and they begin to date, the man has the power to call her and ask her out. The woman has the power to accept or refuse the advances. Once they begin to date and are in a relationship, the power starts to switch to the man. Women are programmed to seek out men for comfort and security. She says to herself, ‘I’d like to be in a monogamous relationship with a man. He now has the power to decide if he wants to marry me.” After the proposal and marriage, the power switches back to the woman. Men are sexually focused, and he’s now obligated to have sex only with her. She has the control sexually. The man thinks if he can just keep his wife happy, he can have sexual pleasure on occasion. The woman doesn’t like when he’s a yes man. It turns her off. I help men become more of the ‘take charge’ guy she fell in love with.

2. How does power contribute to intimacy and communication problems after years of commitment?

Over time, it’s easy to grow accustomed to one another. The man needs to give his wife attention and let her know she’s adored throughout the day. It only takes ten minutes a day. Women need to hear that he cares about her numerous times a day. Kiss her goodbye, call/text throughout the day. When you come home, listen to her speak about her day right away before you change your clothes. The world’s most powerful aphrodisiac is having fun together. Be consistent and sincere. This is what I don’t like about Valentine’s Day. You bring home flowers and hope you’ll have sex. Every day should be Valentine’s Day. Take small steps to change a relationship from strained to loving.

3. How are successful, intimate couples different from those that are problematic?

To be successful, each person needs to be selfless to each other. For example, the wife asks the husband to take the garbage out. If he continues to be resistant, it’s going to be problematic. It starts with communication. If you take the time to talk and communicate about why each of you is feeling a particular way, you can avoid the big problems. When someone does something for you, make sure to show appreciation. You receive and also give back. That balances the power. To have an equilibrium of power, if the man feels out of power and he gives his wife what she needs and wants, he get the sex and power back in the relationship, and there’s more equilibrium.

To listen to the whole episode and download the podcast, click here.

 

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