The Problem With Keeping Someone On The Back Burner

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back burner

If you’ve ever kept an ex on the back burner while dating other men, this video reveals why the back burner sabotages your relationships.

Have you ever kept an ex on the back burner while dating other men? You keep in touch, he makes you feel desired and attractive, and he keeps you from feeling lonely.  

In this video, I share why keeping someone on the back burner can actually sabotage your search for love.

Keeping Someone On The Back Burner

Let me begin with a story. ‘Lisa’ was a client who had a hard time letting go of her exes. When we first started working together, she told me about an ex she still speaks with pretty often. “He’s a great guy. He’s fun to talk to, and having him in my life keeps me from feeling lonely”, she told me. 

When I asked for more details about this so-called great guy, she said, “He’s a wealthy CEO, very impressive. He’s sexy, and we had a lot of fun together. But, he’s not very reliable. When I was recovering from surgery, he didn’t call to see how I was. He’s made many promises to come and visit, but he doesn’t follow through. He’s in the middle of a contemptuous divorce…” and on and on. 

She was keeping this guy on the back burner, but he wasn’t adding value to her life. She let him go, and began dating men who were better potential partners.

Keeping your ex on the ‘back burner’ can lead to many issues in your love life, even if you don’t plan to jump back into bed with them. Here’s why:

If you’re keeping an ex on the back burner, you probably don’t care enough about him to actually date him again. The back burner is where we put men we’ve dated in the past, because it can feel better than being alone. We keep him there until we find someone better.

There are many problems with this strategy. Here are the top two:

1. You’re not being fair to your ex. He may want something more than you do, and the back burner might give him false hope that it’s just a matter of time before you want to date him again.

2. You’re not being fair to yourself. If you don’t love him or never see yourself with him again, having him in your life will keep you from moving on to find someone who is a better match. It will sabotage every relationship, because you’re still connected to the guy on the back burner. 

Having a plan B gives you the option to bail when things with a new potential partner start getting real. 

So be honest with yourself, and if you’re just keeping a guy around because you’re bored, lonely, or hoping that some day he’ll become the right partner for you, let him go.

When you release your ex, you make space for your true last first date.

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find true love, sign up for a complimentary 1/2 hour breakthrough session with Sandy

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook

Get a copy of Sandy’s book, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love.


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