The Psychology of Cheating

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psychology of cheating

What’s the psychology of cheating? Learn why people cheat, whether relationships with infidelity can be repaired, and how to rebuild trust.

Dr. Kathrine Bejanyan has a PhD in research psychology, focusing on cross-cultural relationships. She’s an American who relocated to London eleven years ago, and she runs a successful private practice in London, focusing on relationships. She has previously worked in a high-end matchmaking agency as a resident relationship therapist.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • The psychology of cheating
  • Can relationships repair after cheating?
  • How to know if you should stay or go
  • How to trust again after infidelity

EP 522: Kathrine Bejanyan – The Psychology of Cheating

Why do people cheat?

There are about a thousand different reasons. There are emotional issues. It’s not necessarily about their partner, but about wanting a more positive feeling about themselves. The sexual aspect is a small component of the cheating.

Some people come to me when they’ve become drawn to or have a crush on someone outside of their relationship, and they don’t have a full on affair. It becomes a wakeup call.

Can relationships repair after cheating?

People often feel “once a cheater always a cheater.” If I speak to an older audience, they can more easily understand why someone might cheat. We need to deal with why the cheating began. Trust needs to be rebuilt, but it’s not always easy.

If the underlying issues haven’t been dealt with, the cheating can happen again.

How can people trust again?

It takes a lot of deep and uncomfortable conversations to rebuild trust. The person who cheated needs to say what led to it. Maybe they didn’t feel attractive or a lack of emotional intimacy. They have to be able to reflect and change behaviors. It’s not validating or excusing the behavior. It’s about taking accountability. The other partner also has to take accountability for their share. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, be clear about your values and what will fit for you. Weave in those significant conversations as you date. Have fun, but don’t forget your long-term goals. 

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