The REAL Reasons Why People Cheat: The Science of Betrayal

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why people cheat

Why do people cheat? In this episode, we discuss the science of betrayal and why even happy couples sometimes cheat.

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What drives people to cheat? Dr. Glenn Hutchinson is a clinical psychologist and behavioral researcher whose upcoming book, Unfaithful Minds: The Science and Psychology of Infidelity (Prometheus, August 18, 2026), uses infidelity as a window into a much bigger question about human behavior.

In this episode:

  • What people misunderstand about why people cheat
  • The role of the unconscious mind in infidelity
  • Why many happy couples cheat
  • How and why people justify cheating
  • Early warning signs of possible cheating and what to do about it

EP 730: Glenn Hutchinson – The Science of Betrayal: What Drives People to Cheat?

Highlights of this episode:

Psychological Foundations of Infidelity

  • Infidelity stems from unconscious psychological processes rather than simple character flaws or relationship dissatisfaction.
  • The brain contains multiple independent systems: sex drive, romantic love/infatuation, and long-term attachment—these operate separately and often send conflicting signals.
  • People can be happy in their marriage while experiencing attraction to others; these systems don’t communicate with each other.
  • A person can have crushes on others while maintaining healthy long-term attachment to their spouse—this is neurologically normal, not necessarily problematic unless acted upon.

Common Myths and Realities About Infidelity

  • Myth: If a partner cheats, something is wrong with you or your partner doesn’t love you.
  • Reality: In many cases, infidelity has nothing to do with the betrayed partner’s attractiveness, personality, or being loved.
  • Myth: Only unhappy people cheat.
  • Reality: Almost half of women and more than half of men who have affairs report being satisfied in their marriages at the time.
  • Different genders cite different primary motivations: women typically cite lack of emotional connection; men typically cite sexual opportunity.
  • Many people drift into affairs without conscious intention, especially when starved for emotional connection in their marriage.

Habituation and Long-Term Relationships

  • Sexual desire naturally decreases over time with the same partner (habituation)—this is neurological, not a reflection of love or attraction.
  • Some people adapt to this shift; others struggle significantly and seek novelty.
  • Scheduled intimacy can feel artificial to some but is practical necessity for couples with competing demands (young children, work).
  • The challenge is balancing the human need for stability and deep connection with the competing brain systems that crave novelty and excitement.
  • Long-term relationships require intentional effort to maintain emotional and physical connection to prevent vulnerability to affairs.

Recovery and Rebuilding Trust

  • Trust and reassurance are critical for the betrayed partner—they need certainty the infidelity won’t happen again.
  • Circumstances matter significantly: disclosure by the unfaithful partner is easier to recover from than discovery by other means.
  • Communication skills are essential for recovery but often lacking; many couples struggle to rebuild emotional connection without professional guidance.
  • Factors affecting recovery prospects include whether infidelity was one-time or repeated, underlying motivations, and both partners’ willingness to address root issues.
  • Older couples married for decades face greater challenges in reconnecting if they’ve grown apart over years.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

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