The Rise in Gray Divorce Among Couples Over 50

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gray divorce

There’s a rise in gray divorce, divorce after 50. Why? Tune into this episode with Dr. Dana McNeil to find out!

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Why is there a rise in gray divorce? Dr. Dana McNeil, PsyD, LMFT, is a licensed couples therapist and Certified Gottman Therapist specializing in emotional safety, relationship repair, and long-term compatibility. She is the founder of The Relationship Place and Therapy Getaway, where she provides intensive couples therapy for high-conflict relationships. Dr. McNeil serves on the Advisory Board of MYA and is a national media expert and frequent speaker on modern relationships.

In this episode:

  • Why there’s a rise in gray divorce
  • What erodes in long term marriages that leads to divorce later in life
  • How an empty nest amplifies relational issues
  • The emotional and identity challenges unique to later divorce
  • How to repair a fractured marriage later in life

EP 705: Dr. Dana McNeil – Why Is There a Rise in Gray Divorce Among Couples Over 50?

Highlights of this episode on Gray Divorce

Gray divorce trends & causes

  • Divorce overall down 35% since 2021, but ages 50–64 divorces up 43%.
  • COVID intensified existing relationship stressors by removing external outlets.
  • Common drivers: longer lifespans, financial independence of women, infidelity (20–40% over 50), parenting/“failure to launch,” retirement/financial disagreements, health/sexual changes.
  • Midlife brings identity shifts and grief that impact relationships and willingness to leave.

Relationship breakdown & Gottman framework

  • Gottman’s Four Horsemen that predict relationship failure: defensiveness, criticism, contempt, stonewalling.
  • Repeated presence of those behaviors slowly erodes relationship safety.
  • Repair attempts and bids for connection often get missed or ignored, deepening disconnection.
  • Rebuilding requires renewing friendship, updating “love maps,” shared meaning, and intentional repair work.

Empty nest & adult children co-parenting issues

  • Empty nest can trigger identity, purpose, retirement, and intimacy negotiations.
  • Adult children moving back or being enabled creates new conflict points and can be used as buffers for a dysfunctional marriage.
  • Lack of pre-planned conversations about adult-child expectations can fuel resentments and negative sentiment override.

Dating after divorce — practical guidance

  • Don’t “date potential”: evaluate who a person is now, not who they might become.
  • Prioritize friendship, character, and how someone handles crisis/emotions.
  • Take time after a breakup (often recommended around a year) to grieve and rebuild before serious dating.

Connect With Dr. Dana

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