The Science of Love

Posted by in attachment styles, dating after divorce, red flags in relationships | 0 comments

science of love

What is the science of love? What if we could understand attraction and love better? Dr. Liat Yakir explains it all on the podcast!

Want to learn about the science of love? My podcast guest, Dr. Liat Yakir is a biologist, author, and lecturer specializing in the biology of emotions. She holds advanced degrees in genetics and hormone research from the Weizmann Institute of Science.  Her new bestselling book, “A Brief History of Love,” has been translated into multiple languages. Dr. Yakir participated as an expert in the Israeli version of the reality show ‘Married at First Sight’. She also hosts a popular podcast – BrainStory.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • The biological definition of love
  • What attracts us
  • Why desire and passion decline in a long term-relationship
  • Insights from biology to maintain long-term relationships
  • The scientific prescription for love

EP 616: Dr. Liat Yakir – The Science of Love

Your book is called A Brief History of Love. Tell us the brief history of your own love life and why you wrote this book.

I’m divorced twice and have a history of poor choices. That’s what inspired me to write this book. I wanted to understand our choices and to understand myself. I missed the red flags. I wasn’t attracted to the right people. I chose my current partner from the prefrontal cortex, not the limbic system. It took a year-and-a-half for the attraction to grow. He was a good friend. I began to notice that I was looking forward to his calls and emails. We had bonded intellectually. When you understand why you’re wired this way to search for the alpha male, you can make better choices.

What is love according to biology?

It’s oxytocin. There’s adaptiveness and survival in biology. We seek patterns that are familiar to our brain. Our nervous system is wired early in life for love and relationships.

What attracts us and why?

We are attracted to alpha for safety. Our attraction is also impacted by how we grew up and our attachment style. 90 percent of our choices are made by emotions.

Why do desire and passion decline in a long term-relationship? 

This is due to the Coolidge effect, that we get satiated sexually over time if we don’t take breaks.

How can we use insights from biology to maintain long-term relationships? 

Testosterone likes novelty. It goes up fast and down fast if there isn’t a true bond. If you have sex too early, postpone sex and let oxytocin lead the way. Have deeper conversations. Be curious.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Be curious about humans. Every person has a story and their own operating system. Don’t bring your old list for relationshopping. There is no ‘the one’. Select someone with the right traits. Assess how you feel with the person you’re with. Play games (don’t be too easy to get or show too much interest right away), because our brains assess accessibility as a weakness that someone is not good for you. Be secure and increase your self esteem. Be aligned with yourself. Your satisfaction with life determines the satisfaction you have in relationships.

Connect with Liat




Brief History of Love Book 

 Use coupon lastfirstdate for 15% off of Dr. Yakir’s course about finding and maintaining love 

Watch this episode on YouTube

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