The Secrets to Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating a dangerous man, dating after divorce, dating in midlife, red flags in relationships, self-esteem in dating, single women over 40 | 0 comments

healthy boundariesMartial arts expert/author, Theresa Byrne, shows you how to have healthy boundaries so you can love with an open heart.

Theresa Byrne is a natural protector-power expert who loves seeing people find their innate power. She’s a 4th Degree Master Black Belt, the owner of a CO martial arts & fitness center, and creator of a self-defense keychain tool. She’s the author of “InPower: 3 Ways to Unleash Your Superpowers”, has a B.A. in Communication (with concentrations in Psychology/Social Work/Crisis Intervention and Business/Marketing) and is also a C.M.T focused in sports, kinesiology and healing.

Theresa’s also a nationally recognized defense expert teaching on SPIKE TV and several national television programs, and a writer with The Good Men Project and Huffington Post.

I was honored to interview Theresa about setting healthy boundaries in relationships on Last First Date Radio. Following are loosely transcribed highlights of the show. 

The Secrets to Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

 

What’s the biggest mistake people make when it comes to boundaries?

We all grew up learning boundaries, but we didn’t learn them well. Unless you learned what healthy boundaries look like, it’s hard to set your own healthy boundaries. 

The top three mistakes people make when it comes to boundaries are:

1. You assume boundaries will set themselves. They don’t. 

2. You set hard boundaries when you’re angry. That’s a bad time to set boundaries, because you’re not thinking straight. You’re in flight or fight mode. Set boundaries when you’re calm.

3.  You assume someone is toxic and label them. Boundaries are a practice to help keep us safe, sacred, and sane. This person may be toxic for you, but don’t paint them with a label. When you paint someone as toxic, you’re blaming. You’re the good guy/hero and the other person is bad. Therefore, there’s nothing to learn. There are lessons to be learned in every relationship from every person. 

How do you know if a person is toxic for you?

Someone is toxic for you if they drain you, make you feel insecure, small, or that you’re not good enough. You feel socked in the gut.

Pay attention to your brilliant intuition

The most important thing I’ll say in this call. is that when someone crosses your boundary, they’re saying that what they want is more important than what you want or need. They are telling you they don’t care. Walk away from people like that and set a boundary!

What’s a boundary you can practice in online dating?

One boundary can be about not giving out your last name. Or maybe it’s about meeting someone in a public place. If a guy doesn’t respect those boundaries, walk away.

What are red flags in a relationship?

If someone moves too fast, it’s a red flag. They start telling you how wonderful and amazing you are, that they love you and you’re they’re soul mate. They push you into intimacy before you’re ready. It can happen so fast and feel so good, you don’t always realize what’s happening. 

What kind of boundaries can you have in your back pocket so you’re ready when you’re triggered?

These are some great boundaries you can have ready:

  1. That doesn’t work for me.
  2. I’m not really comfortable with that.
  3. Ouch.
  4. This feels awkward.
  5. Ooh, awkward (said with light humor).

These lines help you take a step back and gather your thoughts.

And here’s my favorite quote from Theresa:

Your greatest defense weapon is your heart. Your love. We were taught to protect it and guard it. No! Fill yourself up with your self-love and you will not have to guard yourself. You’ll live open-heartedly. Your love is your greatest power.

Don’t give to get. Share your heart because you want to. Our hearts are connected to an infinite source of love.

Your heart will guide you.

Don’t you love Theresa and the healthy boundaries she teaches?

Listen to/download the episode here. 

You can find over 180 archived episodes available for download on iTunes.

Subscribe so you don’t miss another show!

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  1. 5 Tips for Navigating Successfully From First Call to First Date - - […] I was clueless. I had no boundaries.  […]

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