The Switch: How Not to Date

Posted by in single women over 40 | 2 comments

Two nights ago, my  twenty-two year old daughter and I went on a mother/daughter date to see the movie, The Switch. The last few movies I had seen starring Jennifer Aniston were predictable and mediocre, so I was pleasantly surprised to find that I thoroughly enjoyed this one. Could be because it was by the same people who did the brilliant Juno and Little Miss Sunshine. It felt great to laugh at the many funny scenes. But the biggest surprise for me was the poignancy of the messages in the movie.

For those of you who may not know, the basic story line is that Jennifer Aniston’s character, Kassie,  is a single woman in her late twenties/early thirties who can’t seem to find the ‘one’. Her biological clock ticking, she decides to have a child out of wedlock through artificial insemination. Her donor is a stranger whom she selected based on his values and intellect, body type, good looks, and character.

She leaves New York City, her job, and her best friend, Wally, played by Jason Bateman, and moves to Chicago to raise her son. Without revealing too much more of the movie, let’s focus on Wally and his attempts to forge a relationship with women in New York City after Kassie moves away.

Wally, a good looking, witty, smart, successful guy is also neurotic, keeps his emotions guarded and is lousy at dating. One of my favorite scenes is when Wally is on a dinner date with a new woman. They start out with witty banter, and she is giggling, smiling, and flirting with him. Within minutes, the conversation tanks as he reveals his neuroses, fears, and paints a picture of gloom and doom. The woman’s face goes from joy to horror. I can totally relate!

How many times have you said things on a first date that you wish you hadn’t? Revealed too much too soon? And wondered why he didn’t call you back? Or you may have been on the receiving end of  TMI. Either way, it’s not a pretty picture.

We often forget that strangers need to get to know each other slowly. Yes, your new love interest might be interested in hearing about your strained relationship with your parents, but not on a first date. Eating disorder? Not a good thing to disclose too soon. I am not saying that you should have secrets in a relationship. But the key word here is relationship. Once you’re in one, go ahead and share. But don’t scare each other away with the whole package revealed at the get go.

Take your time. Get to know each other. Timing is everything. Unveil your deepest darkest secrets slowly over time. You will be much more enticing. Oh, yeah, and go see The Switch. Let me know what you think!

Comments

2 Comments

  1. Hey Sandy,

    I know this site is for women, so I hope you don’t mind if I chime in… if it’s me, anything I can learn about my date is always a good thing… the sooner the better… and the same goes for what they can learn about me… why wait till you’re already in a relationship to find out things. If people are going to hold in what they feel like talking about, you won’t get to know who they really are… eventually, they will be themselves… and then you wonder who this person is you’re now in a relationship with… best thing… get rejected as soon as possible… there’s never TMI! 😉

    In the movie, if I’m the women out with Wally, I want to know about his neuroses,etc, instead of finding out much later when lots of time has already been invested… if I’m Wally, maybe I’m not ready to date right now… at least not until I’ve worked on some of my issues…

    Sid

  2. Hey Sid,

    This site is not exclusively for women, but most men don’t seem interested in working on themselves through date coaching, so I address women. You are an introspective guy, and I am so glad you commented.

    I hear what you are saying about learning as much as you can about a date up front. I am not advocating for holding back your true self. It’s more about readiness. Someone may be more open to hearing your whole story after they have grown to trust and love you. When there is too much disclosed too soon, I have witnessed time and again a rejection of the person.

    People make up stuff about their dates. We often jump to conclusions that may not be true. We use each other’s words as metaphors for other things. A guy is gruff with a waiter, we can quickly make up that he has anger management issues. You know what I mean?

    I believe in a slow reveal. If you are bashing your ex on a first date, is that necessary? Will that add to building a relationship with this new person, or will it turn the other person off?

    When it comes to the biggies, such as desire to relocate, have children, religious preferences, by all means disclose up front. Those are things you don’t want to find out six months into a relationship.

    But there are things better left unsaid until the relationship grows. When your heart is open to someone, you might be better at hearing the neuroses.

    That’s my opinion. I am glad to hear yours.

    Sandy

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