There’s Only One Relationship Problem

Posted by in attachment styles, love after 40 | 0 comments

relationship problem

My podcast guest, Figs O’Sullivan, says there’s only one relationship problem. Listen to this insightful episode to learn what it is.

Figs O’Sullivan has spent years working with frustrated couples at a crossroads in their relationship—they want to make things work but are stuck in what he calls their “Waltz of Pain”. This is what led him to create Empathi. Inspired by attachment theory, improvisational dance and theater, experiential psychotherapy, and EFT, Empathi provides fun, effective, and simple solutions to help couples stop fighting and snuggle more.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • The only relationship problem there is
  • The keys to making a long-term relationship work
  • How to reconnect when feeling disconnected from a partner

EP 559: Figs O’Sullivan – There’s Only One Relationship Problem

You say there’s really only one relationship problem. What is that?

It’s how we’re wired to be emotionally bonded. Attachment theory is about bonding. If you weren’t bonded at birth, you’d die. Your body can detect when your caretaker isn’t there for you. Your body goes into threat and protests. As adults, you protest when you don’t feel loved. You both protest and feel threatened and keep reaffirming your worst stories of each other.

What are some of the keys to making long-term relationships work?

The first thing to do is to see the system you’re co-creating in your relationship. You can only see your part of the system. Look back at past relationships and get the bird’s eye view of the entire system. How did I feel love? How did I protest? 

The next thing to do is to understand why you disengage – because it hurts so much, because they love you. Now, we can have shared empathy for each other. How painful and sad for both of us.

Next we can give each other the love we needed when we were disconnected.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Everybody’s good and doing the best they can. Their worst behaviors are ways they protect themselves from getting hurt. 

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Figs:


IG: @empathinow


Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

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