Tips for Building Positive Relationships

Posted by in dating after divorce, love after 40, self-esteem in dating, single women over 40 | 0 comments

leah careyIt was great fun to interview Leah Carey on Last First Date Radio last week. Leah is a transformational author, speaker, and life coach. Far from being born a natural optimist, she spent over two decades struggling with chronic depression. Having finally found her way to mental, emotional, and spiritual balance, she now blogs at The Miracle Journal (www.TheMiracleJournal.com) about the large and small things that are RIGHT in her life. She help others to look for what’s RIGHT in their lives through coaching and public speaking. She shared many great tips for building positive relationships on our show. I’ve loosely transcribed highlights of the show so you can get the gist of what we covered. Enjoy!

Leah, Describe the transition from fixating on what’s WRONG to focusing on what’s RIGHT.After getting over my depression, I still felt there was something wrong with me that needed to be fixed. I was fixated on what needed to be fixed and how I could change it so I could be happier. Over 8 days, something truly inspiring happened. Each day, I saw the miracle of the day, and I started to change my thinking. I’d ask myself, ‘What’s my miracle today? What will open my eyes further?’ My mind shifted from ‘what’s wrong and needs to be fixed’ to ‘what’s right and how can I celebrate it?’

It’s about focus. That same shift can happen in dating. Instead of looking at the things that are wrong with this guy that I’m going to fix. instead, ask ‘what are the amazing qualities that he brings to the table, and how can I bring them into my life?’ What’s pulling you towards him? What can you do to enhance the relationship from that place?

I’m not saying you should ignore the things that aren’t working. If they are red flags, get out of the relationship.

Can you share a few easy and actionable tips to help my audience start focusing on what’s RIGHT in their lives?

One: Say that things are okay and I don’t need to change things to make them better. If you have a digital device, set an alarm to go off three or four times a day with a message that says ‘what’s going right in your life right now?’ It takes 5 or 10 seconds of thinking about something good that happened to make a permanent change in your thinking. Those moments will begin to stitch themselves together.

Two: If you’re dating, and you’re struggling with whether you want to continue to date him/see other men, you can get caught up in what others think. Instead, ask yourself, ‘what’s right here, what’s working for me, what makes me feel warm inside?’ This will give you a clearer picture of what to hold onto.

Three: Recognize that good things are happening all the time. It’s not a question of whether they are happening. You have to be willing to recognize it and experience it. Remember that you are worthy of a wonderful loving relationship!

To listen to the entire episode, click here.

To listen on itunes, click here.

 

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