Too Early to Spend New Years Together?

Posted by in online dating after 40, understanding men over 40 | 0 comments

new year

He wants to spend New Years together. That’s wonderful, BUT they have only been on a few dates. Is it too much too soon? Here’s what I think…

Dear Sandy,

I recently met a great guy online. We have incredible chemistry, and we’re on the same wavelength about so many things. We’ve only been on a few dates, and he wants to spend New Year’s Eve together. I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea. It feels like it’s too soon.

While I really like him, New Year’s seems ominous, a big night to spend with a serious boyfriend. Since we’re obviously not serious at this point (even though we like each other a lot), is this too soon? Should I go out with him, or make plans with my girlfriends for the big ball drop?



Too Early to Spend New Years Together?

Dear Jeannie,

Congratulations on meeting a guy you like who likes you, too. Many women over 50 give up on online dating because they don’t have success. So, it’s commendable that you kept on dating until you met someone with whom you have a strong connection. And he likes you enough to want to spend New Year’s together with you. Yay!

While meeting a good guy is definitely worth celebrating, I truly commend you for your ability to balance your heart with your head. Even though you’re excited about dating this new guy, your instinct is to slow it down. I couldn’t agree with you more. I believe that “slow and steady” is usually the wisest way to build a budding relationship.

Of course there are exceptions to the “slow and steady” rule. You probably know at least one couple that started with a bang and continued to grow in intensity. I subscribe to dating “principles” more than hard and fast rules. There is no “one size fits all” in dating. And one of my general dating principles is to beware of instant chemistry. It’s easy to follow your heart and libido and jump into an instant relationship when there’s strong chemistry and attraction.

When you’ve been in the “dating desert” for a long time and you finally meet a guy with whom you feel a strong connection – a spring of delicious cold water – you want to drink and drink and drink. But you can overdo it and get a little sick from too much too soon.

The danger of instant attraction

If you’ve ever experienced instant attraction, you’ve also probably experienced a big letdown and heartbreak. A good way to think of a new relationship is that it’s for discovering, not deciding. In the discovery phase of a relationship, you get to learn more about each other, not decide in a few dates whether he’s the “one”. Take your time and drink slowly from his delicious cup of sweet nectar. (Okay, I’m done with the desert/water metaphors!)

Jeannie, I agree with you. It’s not a good idea to spend New Year’s together this year. It’s premature. New Year’s celebrations are usually for couples who are dating seriously, not a couple who just met, no matter how great you think the potential is.

Go out and enjoy New Year’s with your family or some good friends – or stay home and go to bed early if you like. If you’re still together with Mr. Fabulous Potential next year at this time, you’ll have no question about who will be by your side to help you ring in 2016.

Have you ever moved too quickly in a relationship? Please share your experience in the comments below. Wishing you a happy, healthy, and love-filled New Year!

This article first appeared in Better After 50.



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