Top 5 Mistakes Midlife Daters Make

Posted by in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, online dating after 40 | 0 comments

Stef and the City This week’s Last First Date Radio guest was matchmaker and dating coach, Stef Safran. We had a great conversation about the keys to finding love in the New Year. Stef shared the top five mistakes that midlife daters make which can prevent them from finding love. I took Stef’s advice and added some tips of my own in today’s blog. To listen to the show, click here. To find out what mistakes midlife daters make and how to turn them around read on. 

What are the top mistakes that you see people on dates make?

1. You date a person with the exact opposite traits of the person you broke up with.

You might idealize a person because they’re the opposite of your ‘ex’. There is no substitute for getting to know someone over time. There is no perfect. So, don’t idealize your date. The opposite traits might be more attractive to you at first, but that might not be what you really need in the long run. Take your time and get to know yourself first. And don’t just fall for him/her because they are so different from your ex. Fall for them because they are right for you.

2. You complain about dating too much.

Many people complain about the dating scene, but they are not going on many dates or not dating at all. If you’ve done nothing to improve your dating life, you might need to be coached. You need to be prepared to go out and date effectively, especially after divorce. There are tips and tools to learn how to be more successful at dating, and a good dating coach can help you increase your dating success.

3. You only socialize with your friends. In order to date more, you need to be comfortable going out on your own. Go to a movie by yourself. Go out to eat alone. Be comfortable spending time by yourself. You’ll show men that you’re open to dating when you’re not traveling in a pack of friends. Also, make an effort to socialize through meetup.com, signing up for various social events, and networking for dating. Fill your social calendar with activities that take you out of your comfort zone. Not once or twice a year. Do it often. Ask yourself if you’ve made a serious effort to socialize and increase your opportunities for social interactions.

4. You hang out with the wrong people. 

Don’t socialize with Debbie Downers who complain about how lousy the dating scene is. That will just bring you down. In order to stay positive about dating, you have to be willing to hang out with positive people. 

5. You expect your dates to read your mind.

People can’t read your mind. Learn how to communicate effectively with all people, especially the opposite sex. Express your needs. Establish some standards and stick to them. Become a more effective person and you’ll attract a more together date. Your self-esteem and ability to communicate well directly impact the quality of your dates.

Stef also shared a very valuable tip that I suggest you immediately implement: get a Google Voice phone number. That’s the number you should give out to potential suitors. It’s not traceable and you can block numbers of men who stalk you. Do it today!

Happy and healthy love-filled New Year!

xoxo

Sandy

 

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