How to Transform Your Love Life
My radio guest, Kimberley Heart, has been a counselor and relationship expert for over 30 years. In her private practice, she has transformed relationships from a dying love to a metamorphosis experience. Her retreats for single women focus on their desires instead of the wants of society. As a post-trauma expert, with degrees in sociology, psychology and psychiatry, Kimberley also founded a revolutionary method of responding to the psychological needs of thousands after a major disaster. She has hosted her own talk shows and is recognized as the “go-to” expert for major networks for counsel on navigating emotional distress. I thoroughly enjoyed speaking with her on Last First Date Radio. Following are loosely transcribed highlights of our show about how to transform your love life.
How to Transform Your Love Life with Kimberley Heart
Sandy: Your book offers a four-step process to facilitate the change within. Briefly, what are those?
Kimberley: The first part of the book is a series of love letters, so you can see a healthy relationship unfold from the beginning.
The second part is brass tacks; what is true about why you believe what you believe about love. It’s all run by our inner child. The beliefs you have about love are stored in your subconscious mind. And whatever you believe, that’s what you’ll manifest. You’ll end up in the same place over and over unless you rewire your subconscious mind.
Step 1: Recognize. What is it that you want to change about your love life? Ask your best friend. They’ll know what you say about love. Are you saying, “Men don’t talk about their feelings.” That’s what you’ll find in men. What are your patterns?
Step 2: Why are you hanging on to these beliefs? It’s been protecting you. But it’s no longer serving you.
Step 3: Forgive yourself for taking so long. You weren’t ready until now to make these changes. Let go of the past and begin to change from today forward.
Step 4: Reorder via a visualization for your subconscious mind. Through this visualization, you will rewire the subconscious mind and bypass your logical brain. That’s where real change happens.
Sandy: You say, “Love frightens us. Be brave.” What do you mean by that?
Kimberley: People are afraid that they will lose themselves in love. The truth is that they will never have it unless they risk and are vulnerable. I used to say, “Love hurts.” Then I met Adam. Relationships put the truth smack in your face. I realized I was frightened I would never be loved the way I wanted to be loved. I had to change that script by rewiring my brain.
Sandy: What is the hardest part of effecting permanent change in one’s love life?
Kimberley: It’s risky. You open yourself up. But what is falling in love? It’s about feeling safe, cared for, cared about, feelings respected with the same level you respect, care for, and love yourself. If you start with that inner core of self-love, change is much easier.
Sandy: In part two, you talk about “Homegrowth”…What do you mean by this and why is this important?
Kimberley: It’s a metaphor. It’s the energy you put into your love life at home. It’s about coming home to your own heart. It’s about how you want to be in the world. Create yourself and your life in such a way that you’re proud at the end of your life. Be happy now! Don’t wait until you find someone special.
Sandy: GET Love™ approaches the issues of love, relationships, and change in a revolutionary way. Can you talk about how these three things are connected?
Kimberley: Most of us have spent many years honing a craft. But we spend almost no time at all really learning how love works. Intimacy is close, trusting, tender, knowing, loving. Love is consistent but not constant. It’s like an ocean: it’s bigger than you can imagine. The wave comes in and out, but the ocean is still there. Love is like that. Everything is easier when you’re in love. One day you’re sitting across the table from a man and you ask, “What am I doing here?” That’s when the tide is out. There are days when you won’t like him. What holds your love in place is intimacy. Intimacy and love must exist simultaneously to have a good relationship. You also need humility to make every day new. Allow the space for things to be different every day and for you and your partner to grow.
To listen to the entire show, click here.