Unhappiness = Frustration = No Relationships. How do you turn your love life around?

Posted by in dating after divorce, first date success, love after 40, self-esteem in dating, single women over 40 | 0 comments

Dating can be a very frustrating experience. If you’re seeking a lasting, loving relationship, most of the people you meet will NOT be right for you. That’s only logical. Of course there are the rare exceptions, those who meet their beloved right out of the gate. But for most of us, the default setting for dating is failure. It’s not LOVE until it is. But the journey is as important as the destination. And staying hopeful and upbeat throughout can be challenging. That’s why you need support.

To paraphrase a post I read today by Seth Godin:

Unhappiness compounds.

Unaddressed, it compounds into frustration.

And frustration is the soul killer, the destroyer of relationships.

The solution is pretty simple: address the unhappiness. 

Actual intention (and action) in digging deeper is difficult work. If it doesn’t feel like you’re working at it, you’re probably not doing it right.

Doing internal work is key to addressing frustration in dating.

Part of that internal work is knowing you’re always at choice. This one internal shift can turn a victim mentality into an empowerment mentality.

Are you:

  1. Reacting to frustration with anger, blame, or rage?
  2. Trying to control the outcome of every date/relationship?
  3. Blaming others for your life situation?
  4. Emotionally distant or aloof?
  5. Holding onto a past relationship?
  6. Want others to ‘save you’ and make your difficult life better?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you may be sabotaging your own relationship success. The good news is that you can make changes today to turn around your life and attract the love of your life.
Here’s one thing you can do today: focus on what’s working in your life.
To be happy, you need to see the happy, focus on the happy, and be grateful for the happy. 
At the end of every day, make a list of all that you’re grateful for. Here are some examples:
  • Your teenage daughter confided in you
  • You saw the budding flowers on the trees
  • You were able to get through the day without any major aches and pains
  • Your friend called and you had a great conversation
Notice the small things that are working for you. Pay attention to the small miracles in your life.
The important thing is to start with small steps. A gratitude list is a great place to start.
I will close this post with the serenity prayer. It’s one of my favorites. If you don’t believe in God, just substitute whatever higher power you believe in.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

–Reinhold Niebuhr






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