Want to Get Over Your Your Ex?

Posted by in breaking up with grace | 0 comments

Rachel RussoI was so stoked yesterday to interview my friend, Rachel Russo, about how to get over your ex. She is a NYC-based Dating, Relationship, & Image Coach, Matchmaking Diva, Published Author, Speaker, Media Commentator, Business Owner, Lover, Fighter, & Ride or Die Chick.

She gets singles married, coaches clients on how to keep love, and fixes broken hearts. Rachel has a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, an undergraduate psychology degree from Rutgers University, and is a certified Intentional Relationship Coach.

With eight years of experience in the industry, Rachel went on 92 dates and blogged about them as Ms NY of 3six5dates.com.

Want to get over your ex? 

S: Why do you think it is so difficult for people to get over their exes and achieve true freedom from past relationships?

R: a. Breakups are difficult. It can be hard to untangle. You’ve shared a lot of history together, good and bad memories. People sometimes don’t want to let go. They beat up on themselves for not being able to make it work.

b. This too shall pass. Negative emotions will eventually fade away, but people don’t realize that. This can keep them stuck.

c. Fear of change. The thought of someone new can feel anxiety-provoking. People want closure, but true closure is often a myth. Can’t get it perfect. Time doesn’t heal wounds unless you do the work. People stay connected to exes through social media, music, and mutual friends, and that can prevent you from moving on.

d. Loneliness. Someone is better than no one. This type of thinking keeps you stuck in the wrong relationships. The wrong person feels lonelier than being alone.

S: Do men move on quicker than women?

R: Women tend to have more emotional investment in relationships than men. Men often feel they need to start dating again to get the breakup out of their system. May help them feel better in the short term. People should do what they need to do in the immediate aftermath. But in the long run, people need to do the inner work to heal and get over their ex.

S: What is your # 1 tip you for anyone looking to heal after a breakup?

R: Treat a breakup as the serious matter that  it is. It’s like a death. You need to let yourself go through the stages of grief; anger, mourning, denial, etc. You won’t get over it without healing. Then you can prepare for a new life. Can’t stay the same. Figure out what worked and didn’t work, and make some changes in your life.

Image makeovers are great in the healing process. The best revenge is looking good. It will boost your self esteem. Get a great haircut, a mani-pedi – pamper yourself.

Next, look at your lifestyle and think about what would help you get unstuck from your ex. Try a new restaurant, if you’ve shared friends, make new friends, go to meetup groups, get a new hobby. Do something different that’s in alignment with who you want to be in the future. Take a dance class (Zumba, Tango). Take an analysis of what you need to change, and start with baby steps.

S: As a matchmaker and dating coach, what advice can you offer someone who is getting back in the dating game hoping to meet “The One”?

R: Don’t force yourself to date too much too soon. You want to be ready enough that you’re open to meeting someone else. Go through the healing, then get proactive. Take a three-tiered approach.

  1. Try online dating.
  2. Be social and meet people with common interests. Meet new people through in-person events and connect through social media, too (LinkedIn and FB).
  3. Tell everyone you want an introduction. Get into matchmaker’s databases. Many matchmaking companies take women for free and charge only the men (most upscale matchmaking companies). No excuses for not getting out there and meeting people.

S: You are publishing a book this summer, How to Get Over Your Ex: A Step by Step Guide to Mend A Broken Heart—Italian American Style. Can you share some insight on how you can get over an ex Italian-American style?

R: Italian-Americans are known as fighters. I show people how to use the fighter mentality to get over your ex.

Italian-American’s are also stubborn. They think they’re always right. If you’re trying to heal the broken heart, you need to believe that this relationship is wrong for you. You need to move forward with the belief that this is the best thing for you.

We’re also into food. Delicious food can help you get over your ex.

Family is very important to us. Support system is there for you to lean on.

We’re known for our great fashion icons. Have a makeover after the breakup. Many fashion designers are Italian. ‘La dolce vita’, it’s important to be living the good life. Life is good, celebrate who you are.

S: Is your writing based mostly on your own dating and relationship experience or that of your clients? 

R: It’s based on my own experience, plus that of my friends and clients. I’ve written a lot about my own dating life, going on 92 dates in one year. I wrote about it on 3six5dates.com.

These are methods that I used, my clients used, and my articles are also influenced by my own personal experience.

Fortunately content comes pretty easily to me. I’m constantly around clients who share inspirational stories.

Listen to the radio show for more great tips on getting over your ex here.

You can find Rachel at www.StatusMakeover.com, Twitter @RachelTRusso. You can email her at: Rachel@RachelRusso.com

For more midlife dating advice and a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” click here.

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