Wednesday Q & A: Do I Play Dating Games to Get the Guy?

Posted by in dating after divorce, first date success, self-esteem in dating, single women over 40 | 0 comments

Dear Sandy,

I am so confused about the ‘right’ way to date. When I am honest and straightforward about presenting my true self on a first date, I often don’t get asked out a second time. It seems like maybe I’m not mysterious or flirtatious enough. I’ve been called down-to-earth. So, when I try to be coy, flirty, and don’t say too much, guys seem to like me better. They seem to be into the chase, the mystery of me. And then, after they have made their conquest, they lose interest. It feels like either way you look at it, I lose. I am looking to find a wonderful man, and I don’t think my standards are unreasonable. Why can’t I find Mr. Right? Why does it have to be so hard? Men don’t seem like they’re from Mars. They seem like they’re from an alternate universe! Help me please!

Maria

Hi Maria,

First, take a deep breath! Dating can definitely feel like a mystery, and men can seem hard to understand. Especially if you’re working so hard to try and please them.

Therein lies part of your problem.

You’re focusing on doing the right thing because you want to make them happy.

But, Maria, are you happy? Are you with men who make you feel good?

And guess what, Maria? It doesn’t take a lot to make a man happy. I think you might be over-thinking this.

To start, it’s pretty much basic knowledge that men date because they want sex. That doesn’t mean that you need to sleep with them in order for them to fall for you. In fact, I encourage my clients to have sex when they¬†feel ready, when it’s right for them, NOT because they feel pressured by a man. But the bottom line, men date because they want to sleep with women. Not so hard to figure out, right?

Also, men say what they mean. He says he’s not ready for a committed relationship? He means it. He says he doesn’t want children? That’s the truth. Listen to the first ten minutes of your first conversation with a man and you’ll learn a lot about him. Pay close attention and don’t read between the lines.

As far as being yourself, I encourage you to come to every date with your most charming, alluring self. I am sure you have great friends who love you for who you are. Don’t suppress the lovable you in order to show up as you think a man wants to see you. You can stay true to your down-to-earth self while revving up your charm.

Show up as your best self. Dress up in outfits that make you feel beautiful. First impressions really matter in dating.

And you’re right, you don’t want to give away all your secrets on a first or second date. Leave a man wanting more. Aren’t you more interested in a man who gives you just enough to interest you?

I’ve only skimmed the surface of many of the topics covered here, but I hope I’ve given you a basic overview of how you can make a few small changes and become a much more successful dater.

Let me know how it goes!

xoxo

Sandy

 

 

 

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