What to Do When You Get Stood Up

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get stood up

When you get stood up on a date, what do you do? Before you blame yourself or send an angry text, follow these powerful six steps!

Even dating coaches get stood up sometimes. Here’s what happened to me. He had me at hello…literally. I mean, picture a good looking man with a deep voice saying, “Hello, Sandy” in a sexy British accent. How many of you wouldn’t melt? In this video, you’ll hear my story of getting stood up, and how I quickly recovered.

What to do when you get stood up on a date

If you’ve ever been stood up, it’s painful. Here’s what you can do.

1. Feel all the emotions that come up. Anger, disappointment, embarrassment…whatever you’re feeling, let the emotions out. 

2. Don’t ruminate on WHY he stood you up. You will probably never know why, and asking yourself why he did it won’t help you get closure. You can’t control his actions. But, you can control your response. 

3. Don’t blame yourself. There could be so many reasons why he decided not to show up. Instead of blaming yourself, ask yourself high level questions, such as, “Why would I want to date a man who doesn’t have the decency to tell me the truth?” “Why would I want to date someone who doesn’t respect me?” 

4. Take care of yourself. The best antidote to getting stood up is practicing self-love and self-care. I did that by going to the beach and breathing in the salty ocean air, taking a walk, and sitting on a bench to take in the beauty of nature. There are many things you can do, such as meeting a friend for a walk or coffee, journaling, or getting a manicure.

5. Practice positive affirmations. One man’s actions don’t determine your worth. Say or write phrases that help you believe you’re lovable and worthy of love. Saying things like, “My heart is still open to love” or “I’m making room for the right man to come into my life” can help you start to feel better.

6. Learn from this experience and move on. When you’re ready, debrief what happened and see what you might do differently next time to avoid being blindsided in the future. When I looked back on my interactions with Liverpool Dude, I realized his words and actions didn’t match from the very start. He didn’t call when he said he would. He’d take four days to answer a text, and then make a lame excuse about a lost phone. Part of me didn’t trust him from the beginning, but I overrode my intuition because he was cute, had a sexy accent, and I was flattered that a younger man wanted to date me. We also spoke way too much by phone before meeting, leading to a false attachment that wasn’t real. I won’t do that again. Take an honest look at what you can do differently next time, and be ruthless about following through on your commitment to your values and standards.

Getting stood up is one of the risks of dating. It happens to the best of us, and it’s hurtful. But, if you follow these six steps, you’ll recover faster and get back out there and date again. Allow yourself to feel sad, frustrated, and/or disappointed. Don’t believe your date’s actions are a reflection of your worth.

Don’t try to figure out WHY he did what he did. When you show yourself compassion and reclaim your value after being stood up, you’re confirming how you want to be treated by future dates. What you know for sure is you can count on yourself to never bail at the last minute with no warning. And you will open your heart and trust again so you can attract a man who has the same level of integrity. How do you trust again?

I love this quote by Walter Anderson about trust: “We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.”

Don’t let one bad apple spoil the whole barrel. Dust yourself off and get back out there and date again. Because there are ALWAYS MORE DUDES!


If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find true love, sign up for a complimentary 1/2 hour breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s book, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love.

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