When an Intimate Lies and Deceives…

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Intimate Lies

How do you protect yourself when an intimate lies and deceives you? My podcast guest, Jill Hasday, shares the legal perspective to keep you safe!

My podcast guest, Jill Elaine Hasday, author of Intimate Lies and the Law, spoke about the legal ramifications when an intimate partner lies and deceives. She is a distinguished McKnight University Professor and the Centennial Professor of Law at the University of Minnesota Law School. Her work focuses on family law, anti-discrimination law, constitutional law, and legal history. She graduated from Yale Law School and Yale College and clerked for Judge Patricia M. Wald of the United States Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit.

Check out the show notes and listen to/download EP 371: Jill Elaine Hasday – Intimate Lies, Deception, and the Law

When an Intimate Lies and Deceives…

Why do people often assume that intimate lies in relationships are private, and that courts and legislatures don’t get involved?

It’s inevitable that the court will intervene. Courts protect deceivers. They’re intent on protecting what they think is ordinary deception; hiding disability, hiding children from prior relationship, faking pregnancy…there is no remedy. The law cares the most about financial deception, but in marriage, they’re reluctant to provide a remedy. If you deceive someone while the marriage was still ongoing, courts won’t provide a remedy. Adultery is often paired with financial deception.

What about legal protection from romance scammers?

In those cases, the law considers them criminals. But, it’s often hard to find the criminal. Warning: If you haven’t met someone, don’t send money. If you’ve been deceived, it’s not your fault and you’re not alone.

Deception has happened to all people, no matter how smart or savvy you are. I think the law should try to prevent deception. Listen to your instincts. You can get trapped. The time to scrutinize is early. Think of yourself as a reporter asking who, what, why questions to see if the story they’re telling makes sense.

Often deceivers drain an intimate partner’s bank account or use them to acquire government benefits like legal immigration. What can someone do if they feel they’re a victim of this deception?

Depends on the arena. Gateway deception is the term for legal immigration. If this happens to you, ask a lawyer for help. Suss the situation and ask yourself what you can to protect yourself so your injuries don’t grow. For example, shut down your bank account or cut off your credit card. Document everything.

What are your final words of advice to protect people from intimate lies and deception?

You’re not alone. It can be devastating. Don’t blame yourself!


Find Jill and get a copy of her book at jillhasday.com
Or on Twitter @jillhasday

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