When Your Date Is Giving You Mixed Signals

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mixed signals

Is the person you’re dating giving you mixed signals? Blowing hot and cold? Watch this video for tips on how to manage these confusing signs.

Mixed signals in dating can be frustrating and confusing. “What did he mean when he said that?” “He told me one thing, but now he’s saying the opposite?” These confusing signals can make you crazy! Let’s discuss why people give mixed signals in dating, and what we can do when we’re on the receiving end.

When Your Date Is Giving You Mixed Signals…

What are mixed signals in dating?

When a man tells you one thing but does another:

  • He says he wants to see you again, but he doesn’t follow through
  • He says he can see a future with you, but he doesn’t plan for the future
  • You have an amazing first and second date, but then you don’t hear from him

What do these signals mean?

  • He’s not that into you, but he’s too afraid to tell you
  • He’s not ready for a relationship, even though he thinks he is
  • He has an avoidant attachment style, and as soon as you get close, he pulls away

If he’s not that into you, you may not want to see it. Pay attention to the signs: He forgets he made plans with you. He’s attentive when he’s with you, but sometimes stop communicating for days when he’s on his own.

He may be a good guy with good intention, but he’s busy and is not prioritizing a relationship. This is especially true if he’s recently divorced, separated, or widowed, or he’s consumed with work or a sick parent or child.  He may believe he’s more available than he actually is. He might really like you, but he’s dealing with an angry ex, sadness about the loss of his wife, or he’s trying to balance a busy work schedule with his dating life. 

What about someone with an avoidant attachment style? 

People who grew up in homes without secure attachment to their caregivers often have attachment traumas in their romantic relationships. They want you until they get you. They pull away, and you get more anxious. You pull away, and the chase starts again. This is crazy making!

It’s common to have mixed feelings, uncertainty or indecisiveness concerning any relationship until you’ve gotten to know each other better and feelings become clearer. 

But, when those mixed feelings lead to ambiguity after the relationship has progressed, it can lead to anxiety and fears. It can feel like you’ve lost all control in the relationship, and the other person has all the power. Mixed signals keep things off balance and can create distance. 

The good news is, there’s something you can do to take your power back, no matter the cause of the ambiguity.

How to Handle Mixed Signals in Dating

1. Know Your Must-Haves and Deal Breakers

Be clear about what qualities you must have and won’t tolerate in a partner, and if he has some of your must-haves and just ONE deal breaker, it won’t work.

2. Communicate Clearly

Be direct in your communication. Don’t ask him how he feels about you or the relationship, which is the mistake most women make. Tell him how YOU FEEL when something isn’t working for you.  

For example, if you need someone who texts or calls every few days, let him know and see if he’s capable of that. If you need someone who follows through on his commitments, let him know and see what happens.

He may or may not be capable of commitment and intimacy, but you won’t know if you don’t speak up. 

Be open to hearing his thoughts and feelings, and accept whatever he says as the truth. He may not say what you want, but the truth is so much better than living with false hope. 

If he gets defensive when you have this conversation, or he continues to send mixed messages, this is a clear vicious cycle, and it’s time to walk away.

3. Ask Yourself High-Value Questions

Most people, when faced with mixed messages, ask low-value questions like, “Why did he do that to me?” This is a question you can’t answer, and it’s disempowering. Instead, ask yourself high-value questions that you CAN answer, like “Do I really want to be with someone who blows hot and cold, someone who sends mixed messages?”

The more clarity you have about what you will and won’t tolerate in dating and relationships, the closer you’ll be to finding your special partner, someone who’s capable of consistency, follow-through, and clear communication. No more mixed messages. And that’s how you get to go on your LAST FIRST DATE!

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with me and explore how private coaching can help! https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join my free Facebook group, Your Last First Date https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.


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