Why Am I So Scared To Date Again?

Posted by in dating after divorce, love after 40 | 0 comments

scared to date again

Why is Jen so scared to date again? It’s been ten years since a devastating breakup, and she’s finding it hard to move on…

In this episode of Last First Date Radio, I coach Jen, a woman who is afraid to date again. Ten years ago, she was blindsided when her boyfriend of three years suddenly ended the relationship without any explanation. She wants to open her heart to love again, but she doesn’t know how.

Listen as I help her:

  • Identify her unhealthy dating patterns
  • See the connection between her relationship with her mother and the men she’s dated
  • Refine her dating questions and must-have and deal breaker lists
  • Reframe how she thinks about men

EP 589: Live Coaching with Jen: Why Am I So Scared To Date Again?

If you’ve ever been scared to date again after a breakup, this episode is for you!

Jen wrote in to the podcast: “10 years ago, I was dumped without any notice. Now, I’m very scared to date again. I was blindsided. I thought he was the one. Things were wonderful until one day they weren’t. I was reeling and confused for a number of years, foolishly hoping he would come back and hoping for closure. I realized two years ago that the problem was his and I am enough. I’ve wasted years with a broken heart and I have so much love to give. I asked all the right questions and still got hurt. I’ve done a lot of reading, listening to the podcast and following your group on Facebook, but I’m so scared to try again. It’s safer to be content alone but I would like so much more. I realize there are no guarantees so I am looking for help in opening my heart to love again.”

She was in that relationship for three years. He broke up twice, both times without warning. After the first breakup, he went to counseling for eight weeks and said he’d changed and wanted her back. But, he left her again, and she was devastated.

Questions I asked her about her love blueprint:

  1. Do you find yourself attracted to a “type”? 
  2. Do you feel a connection with these men that’s familiar? 
  3. Do you make excuses for your partner’s behavior toward you? 
  4. Do you find yourself not speaking up due to a fear of rejection?
  5. Do you find yourself enduring hurtful behavior?

What are Jen’s biggest fears in dating again? Asking the right questions before getting involved, hearing their answers, and then falling for someone who leaves her. 

The questions Jen was asking men before our session:

1. When was your last relationship?

2. Is it done and over, no chance of getting back together?

3. Are you dating seriously or casually? 

A question that would be more helpful: What did you learn from your last breakup?

Jen’s Homework

  1. Ask the right questions when you date: What did you learn from your last breakup? See if they take responsibility for why the relationship ended. 
  2. Refine your must-haves and deal breakers and look for them when you date. 
  3. Reframe your beliefs around men and what’s possible in a relationship.

Watch this episode on YouTube

What’s your biggest takeaway from Jen’s session with me? Which part resonated most?


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Get FREE coaching on the podcast! https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

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Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

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