Why Can’t I Find a Boyfriend?

Posted by in understanding men over 40 | 0 comments

find a boyfriendDear Sandy,

I’m a teenage girl whose been feeling extremely lonely and impatient about finding love. I’ve never had a boyfriend or even kissed a boy yet. I’ve been waiting for so long now that I feel like I’m never going to experience the high school experience . My friends have their lovers and I’m so happy for them and then there’s me , the hopeless romantic. I just want someone to love me for who I am , but I guess I just have to keep waiting to find someone like that. I just don’t know how or what to act . My emotions right now are so messed up and I feel so lonely.



Dear Esther,

This is the first question I’ve received from a teenager. First, let me tell you how impressed I am that you wrote to a dating coach to ask for help. I would never have had the guts to ask for help at your age. Congratulations. Asking for help is the first step in finding a boyfriend.

Want to find a boyfriend?

  1. You are normal. There is no perfect timeline for finding a boyfriend or falling in love. So, while you might feel like there’s something wrong with you, there is nothing inherently wrong with a person who doesn’t have their first love in high school. Two out of my three kids did not have a love interest in high school, and they are perfectly healthy young adults.
  2. What is the message you’re broadcasting? We all send out messages about love and availability. What are the messages you send out? If you are shy and insecure, you might be sending out a message that you’re not interested in finding a boyfriend. You might be giving guys the message that you are too independent for a boyfriend. Or that you’re perfectly happy to not have a boyfriend. Next time you’re with your friends, ask them how they see you. Do they think you’re giving out boyfriend messages or anti-boyfriend messages? You might need to flirt more. Which brings me to point #3.
  3. Become a better flirt. Flirting is an art. It’s about being playful and fun. It’s about relaxing around all people. You need to give off the vibe that you want to be kissed, you want to find a boyfriend, and you want to fall in love. Are you flirting effectively? If not, lighten up and have fun.
  4. Relax and be patient. Love will come. It seems like a long wait, but you’re young. One day, you’ll look back and see that it was all worth the wait.

My daughter, who’s a high school senior, has some wise advise for you, too. She says to focus more on being friends with guys. You won’t scare them away, and you’ll learn to be more comfortable around boys. She says that will eventually lead to you finding a boyfriend.

So, enjoy your high school years, lighten up, have fun, flirt, and be patient. Love will come and it will definitely be worth the wait.

Best of luck to you. And keep me posted.






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