Why Does He Still Have His Profile Up?
I’ve been dating a widower since July. We’ve been exclusive since August. He loved his wife very much and this relationship has grown one step at a time. He has tried to walk away from me 3 times but came back. He still has a Match.com profile. He told me he is absolutely not looking to date anyone. He just likes the attention. It is a sore subject. We fought about it and I let it go.
We are together every weekend, and he has a very demanding job. I know he’s not dating anyone else. If we’re exclusive, why does he have his profile up?
Dating a widower can be a bit tricky. Many women can’t handle the shadow of the deceased spouse. They feel they will never take the place of his wife, so they don’t even try. Your beaux loved his wife very much, but was willing to date you exclusively after a month. And you’ve developed intimacy very slowly. From what you’ve shared with me, you seem to have done many smart things in your relationship so far.
- You acknowledged that he had a wonderful loving relationship with his deceased wife.
- You realized that slow and steady is a good way to build a relationship.
- You’ve spoken with him about your concern about his active Match profile.
You seem to be very patient about the pace of the relationship, the demands of his job, and the frequency of your dates. Patience is a very important aspect of the relationship process.
Yet, you’re concerned. If you’re exclusive, why does he still have his profile up?
He seems to want an open portal for attention from other women. I imagine that he likes knowing that women find him desirable. After a long marriage, it’s understandable that he wouldn’t want to shut the door on all other women so quickly.
Here’s the thing, Leanna. He walked away three times. Why does he still have his profile up? When men keep their profile up, it’s usually because they’re not fully committed. Sure, he’s exclusive. He’s not dating anyone else. What he has with you is comfortable and feels good, but he’s not choosing you as his special woman. A guy who is ready for a committed relationship shuts his profile down. He doesn’t leave it open for the attention from other women.
I have a few questions for you. How do you feel when you’re with him? And more important, how do you feel when you’re NOT with him? Do you feel safe? Do you feel confident that he truly cares about you? Do you feel cherished?
If the answer to those questions is “no” or “I’m not sure”, he’s not the right man for you. If you want a lifetime relationship, you need to find a man who wants the same thing.
He’s probably a lovely guy. But he’s not committed to only you. And if that doesn’t work for you, it’s time to say “NEXT!”