Why Gratitude Makes You Sexier

Posted by in dating after divorce, love after 40, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

gratitudeWant to be sexier? Instead of blaming your ex for your struggles, focus on gratitude for the gifts of your relationship. Here’s a simple way to do that.

Thanksgiving in the United States means…long lines at Costco and Trader Joe’s, turkey, cranberry sauce, gravy, sweet potato pie with marshmallows on top, green bean casserole, and pumpkin pie, delays at the airport, traffic jams, and family tension.

Thanksgiving is also about giving thanks. It’s about gratitude. Having a gratitude practice – on Thanksgiving and every day – can help you get through the tough times in your life.

“Gratitude always comes into play; research shows that people are happier if they are grateful for the positive things in their lives, rather than worrying about what might be missing.”

— Dan Buettner

Sometimes it’s hard to be grateful. You’re struggling financially. You’ve had an ugly divorce. Your kids aren’t talking to you. Your close friend passed away.

The struggles are real. I understand. One of the ways to work through crisis is by having a daily gratitude practice. The first thing I do when I wake up is say, “Thank you.”

Even when I’m struggling, there’s a lot to be thankful for. You can say thank you for the gift of another day, for your healthy body and mind, for family and friends, for the beauty of nature. My list changes slightly from day to day, but gratitude is always the first and last thing on my mind.


Why is gratitude so important?

Life can be challenging. Things happen—a large bill for home or car repairs, a disgruntled client or boss, a child going through a tough time. And then there are larger, more devastating challenges—a scary medical diagnosis, or the tragic loss of someone you love.

You don’t get to choose the crisis, but you do get to choose how you process it.

When you are grateful for what you DO HAVE rather than focusing on what you don’t, you can deal much better with whatever comes your way. You life become richer every time you manage a crisis with grace. And that’s sexy.


Gratitude helps in life and love

Ever been on a date with someone who was fuming at his ex for leaving him financially ruined? Exhausting, right? He is stuck in blame, which is a crappy place to be, for him and for anyone he dates.

Sure, it can be difficult to heal from a divorce or the breakup of a long-term relationship. But you have a choice as to how you process it. Instead of blaming your ex for your struggles, focus on gratitude for the gifts of your relationship.

Yes, gratitude. If you have children born of that union, that’s the greatest gift of all. Maybe your ex taught you the importance of setting boundaries in future relationships. Perhaps he or she taught you the importance of good communication in a relationship.

Gratitude is sexy

You know what I find sexy? Not a six-pack as much as when a man learns and grows in life’s toughest moments. When he is grateful for what he has, not what he lacks, that’s sexy to me.


A Gratitude Practice

You want to get your sexy on? If you don’t have one yet, develop a gratitude practice. Every day, name five things you’re grateful for. I’ll start with my list.

My gratitude list

  1. My two healthy, gorgeous, fun, deliciously loving granddaughters
  2. My 3 wonderful, thoughtful, kind, beautiful children
  3. The amicable relationship I’ve developed with my ex-husband
  4. My inspiring clients who are attracting the loving relationships they deserve
  5. My ability to do work that I love, work that makes a positive impact on the lives of others

Wishing you and your family a gratitude-filled, loving, and very Happy Thanksgiving!

Please share your top 5 gratitude list in the comments below.


*A version of this article appeared in The Good Men Project

Photo: Flickr/Evelyn Lim


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