My Boyfriend Still Has an Active Online Dating Profile!

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating after divorce, red flags in relationships | 0 comments

"HeMy Boyfriend Still Has an Active Online Dating Profile!Dear Sandy,

I’ve been dating “Harry” for three weeks, and he asked me to be exclusive. But I noticed last night that he’s still on OurTime.com, and I am upset and confused.

I want to bring up that he is still online even though he says he wants to only date me. What does this mean? I want to be able to trust that he means what he says.

How do I talk about the fact that my boyfriend still has an active online dating profile without turning him off?

Diane

Dear Diane,

First, rest assured that at the start of a relationship, many people keep their profiles open and check incoming emails. That doesn’t mean that he’s dating anyone else. You don’t know what it means until you check in with him.

My Boyfriend Still Has an Active Online Dating Profile!

So, don’t make up what it means. Talk to him.

Say something like, “Harry, I’m happy with how our relationship is progressing and have really enjoyed getting to know you over the past few weeks. I’m not interested in dating anyone besides you right now and I’m ready to shut down my online dating profile to get to know you better. What about you?”

In this short conversation, you simply state how you feel about him (without any false promises of the future), and you also let him know what you want from him. Now it’s his turn turn to let you know what he wants.

Be prepared for any response. If he says he’s not ready to shut down his profile, will you walk away? You need to be clear about that before you have the conversation.

Remember that a guy may take longer to shut down his profile, even when you are exclusive. Just because he’s online doesn’t mean he’s dating anyone else. But you do need to be sure you’re on the same page in order for you to feel valued.

Be a woman of value who speaks up and knows her bottom line about how she wants to be treated. The right guy will step it up. The wrong one will walk away.

P.S. If you know that he’s logging into OurTime.com, that means that you’re logging in as well. You can’t have it both ways. If you want him off the sites, you’ll need to close down your profile as well.

xo

Sandy

What’s the nice way to say- so if you like me (only) so much, what are you doing on our time?

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