Why Men Don’t Commit (& How They Decide to Make You the One)
Learn why men don’t commit, from dating and relationship coach, Paula Grooms. (Find out what puppies have to do with finding a man who WILL commit!)
Paula Grooms is a Dating and Relationship Coach, as well as a Master’s level Social Worker with 20 years of professional experience. Through her public speaking platform and international coaching program, Coach Paula helps passionate people with the need for strong, sustainable and committed relationships.
Paula shared fun and engaging theories from her book, Why Won’t He Commit? How a Man Decides to Make You “The One,” to help us understand the unique way in which men view women, communicate, love, commit and make their “forever” romantic decisions.
Check out highlights below for EP333: Paula Grooms on Why Men Don’t Commit.
Why Men Don’t Commit
What is the Puppy Principle?
I’m all about women loving themselves, and the Puppy Principle relates to that. This is about how women are loved just for being, not for the size of their thighs. Men love women. Most women love puppies. When we see cute puppies, we have a feeling, no matter the breed. This is how men view women. We’re all pretty puppies to men, just by our mere presence and essence.
If he loves Chihuahuas and you’re a Rottweiler, he may not choose to adopt and take you home forever.
What is The Consumer vs. Buyer Relationship?
This is a simple test to categorize a man’s readiness, willingness and ability to commit.
Men marry when they’re in the state of being a buyer in order to commit. A man has to be in the state of it being the right time to commit.
Women view commitment as a natural outgrowth of love. Men see it as a responsibility.
When we adopt a new puppy, we have to be in a space and time when we’re not in flux. We have a stable job, we’re not traveling for months. That ‘puppy’ is a responsibility. We won’t adopt it unless we take responsibility for that puppy.
A man will consume all the time and affection a pretty puppy is willing to give him with no intention to adopt them. Women are wondering why he’s not committing. It’s because you don’t show him from the start that you’re a woman of high value expecting commitment. You must set that up from the beginning.
How can you tell if a man is commitment ready?
Take the quiz on my website. Initially, every man will come off as a buyer. Men at their core are about competition, challenge, and conquering. Women are connectors, caretakers, and cooperators. Men have to feel it’s something worth achieving to go for it. Men want to feel what they achieved is highly valued and sought after. A woman who holds herself as high value doesn’t just give herself to anybody.
Men believe what you do with them, you do with all men. This is where we get into trouble. When a woman meets a man she’s attracted to, we attach and bond quickly. When a man doesn’t call, it’s usually because he’s distracted by other puppies. A man is actively loving when he’s pursuing.
We love to know everything he’s doing, what’s going on with the relationship. Men love through wondering. When we hold ourselves as women of value, we create a desire they’re longing for.
It’s not about chasing. It’s holding yourself back from chasing. Pursuit is all about a woman being a ‘not yet’, not an ‘all in’ from the beginning.
What are some ways to let a man know you’re a ‘not yet’ without being harsh?
Say things like, “I like how honest you’ve been with me”, or “I like how sensitive you are with your son/daughter”. Those are drops of gold for a man. A man who likes you wants to please you. Say, “I like you, and I want to get to know you slowly.”
Listen to the entire episode to learn about:
• The Sports Supposition: Why a good man may justify going astray, thinking he’s doing the right thing for his wife and family.
• Why time and great sex are not factors in a man committing, no matter the amount of love he feels for a woman.
• The skills, approaches and strategies needed to go from single to committed in 12 months.
Have a feeling of abundance. There is that person out there for you. Enjoy a man for whatever he’s giving you in that moment. Hold yourself as a woman of value. And find out where he is on the scale of ready, willing, and able.
- Learn more about Paula Grooms here.
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