Why Successful Singles Struggle to Find Love
My podcast guest, Clarissa Silva, a behavioral scientist, has developed a ground-breaking method to help singles who struggle to find love. Check it out!
My podcast guest, Clarissa Silva, is a Behavioral Scientist, Researcher, and Relationship Coach with 18 years of experience. She developed the first ever disruptive relationship technique, Your Happiness Hypothesis (H20) Method©. She took traditional psychological and behavioral science models and re-engineered them to be 10x more effective than the traditional methods. She revolutionized the way she approached love after really examining conventional theories and realized that none of it had ever worked in her life. Soon after, she met her husband!
Check out highlights for Episode 350: A Behavioral Scientist on How Technology is Shaping Dating Today
Listen to/download this episode here:
What inspired you to do this work for singles who struggle to find love?
When I was single for all those years in New York City, I was studying the approaches to dating that were failing. I tested them, and I created my own algorithm, which guided my dating experiences. I said to myself, “Let’s treat dating like a social experiment”. I took that idea and thought about how to create happiness. Who and what makes you happy?
I experimented with each thing that worked for me, and I encouraged clients to try it. They were getting good results. And I used it and got married at 42!
What is Your Happiness Hypothesis, and what are some key findings for men and women dating today?
I’m trained as a scientist, clinician, and researcher. It’s neuropsychology and positive psychology, and it’s effective in a therapeutic setting. With love, it’s completely complex and irrational. I had to address some of the irrationality. One method works for one and not for another. The equation is complex! Love lacks a formula. So, why not re-engineer everything?
I originally had a 7-day breakthrough threshold. I was looking for a lot of shifts to happen within a week. I went back into the lab, and today the program has 12-hour breakthrough points and 90% efficacy!
It’s about examining what you want rather than what you need. We create definition based on the past. It’s all based on avoiding pain and past hurt. [My program] unpacks all of that.
The program also improves brain health and reduces anxiety and depression.
Why is it so hard for successful singles in today’s dating landscape?
Let’s look at two different groups; Millennials and Gen-Xers. There’s a paradox in dating. Dating apps are giving off the illusion of choice. 80% of millennials reported experiencing ghosting, bread-crumbing, etc. This was normative behavior.
There’s a term called ‘Vanity Validation’, which is all about seeking validation through electronic swipes rather than in-person meetings.
Ghosting is now happening in the work place, too. I came up with the theory of ‘detachment style’, detachment to the outcome. I found four patterns of personality styles that detach.
What are some steps people in your program go through?
For successful people, one step is to find people who aren’t intimidated or want to use you for money or power.
Treat dating like it’s a social experiment. Most people are trying to find people they’re compatible with. Create your own dating algorithm. Look at dating as collecting data on what they want and need. It begins to create a real life algorithm that they can see and test what works best and what doesn’t.
We walk through the phases of unpacking what they want and need. The difficult work lies in unpacking cycles and patterns of the past. We expect others to be rid of their pain. Decide who is ideal for you and why they’re ideal.
Don’t give up on love. I want people to find someone. It’s a 6-week program, and it’s effective with additional benefits of brain health and anxiety reduction.
What’s your love story?
I was testing out the different aspects of the Your Happiness Hypothesis method, reporting on my blog and Google Plus and Google Hangouts, and doing live research. At the last leg of the experiment, someone who knew my research suggested I meet the man who became my husband, because I was describing my husband, and I didn’t realize that!
The next day, I was talking to my husband on Google Hangouts. [And the rest is history…]
Learn more about Clarissa Silva here. [Mention Last First Date Radio and get a $1,000 discount when you register for the program!]
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