Why the People We’re Attracted to Don’t Like Us Back

Posted by in online dating after 40, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

people we're attracted to

The people we’re attracted to often don’t like us back. Why is that? And what can we do about it? That’s what this video is about!

You’re attracted to someone, and they don’t feel the same about you. Whether you’ve been on a first date with them and they never called again, or you’ve been dating for a while and they ended things because they weren’t into you, or even when you messaged someone you found attractive on a dating app and didn’t hear back, it hurts. Why does this happen, and what do we do when the people we’re attracted to don’t like us back?

Why the People We’re Attracted to Don’t Like Us Back

Why People We Like Don’t Like Us

There are several reasons why people don’t like us as much as we like them. One reason is your love blueprint – you’re attracted to people who are most like your most challenging parent, and that almost never works out. Another reason is your attachment style. If you have an anxious attachment style, you’re probably attracted to someone with an avoidant attachment style, and that almost never works out.

But, there’s another reason, and that’s what I’m going to focus on: We lose ourselves when we put the person we like on a pedestal. 

Think about a time when you liked someone more than they liked you. How did you behave in their presence? Were you authentic, relaxed, and confident? You were probably anxious and insecure, hoping they would like you. When the attraction is strong, we often lose ourselves. We begin to fawn or people-please and morph into someone we hope they’ll fall in love with. We put them on a pedestal. We don’t feel worthy to be chosen by someone so amazing, but we hope they’ll still choose us. This way of thinking leads to nervousness and a lack of self-confidence, which actually turns people off, not on!

We all do this at some point in our lives, whether it’s in our romantic lives or in other areas where we look up to people and feel “lucky” to be in their presence. The problem with putting people on a pedestal is the only way they can see you is by looking down at you!

3 Ways to Become More Confident When You’re Attracted to Someone 

1. Become aware of how you feel around attractive people. How do you feel? Are you worried they’ll reject you? Do you believe you’re not worthy or attractive enough for someone that attractive? Once you identify your fears, you can find ways to overcome them. For example, fear of rejection can be due to past relationships when you were rejected. Think of any red flags you might have missed because you were dazzled by their good looks. Think about the ways you might have betrayed yourself and made excuses for their unkind behaviors, because you were so attracted to them. Once you identify those behaviors, you can stop yourself from repeating them in the future, which will lessen the chance of being rejected.

2. Journal about how you behave around people who are attracted to you, especially when you’re not attracted to them. Are you more confident? Do you feel more attractive in their presence? Are you more authentic, funnier, sexier, more at ease? That’s because you feel empowered in their presence. Journal about all that comes up for you when you remember what you feel in the presence of someone who finds you attractive. 

3. When you’re attracted to someone, act the way you do when someone’s attracted to YOU. Begin to embody the same confidence, charisma, sexiness, playfulness and authenticity you can access when you’re with someone less attractive to you. That way, when you meet someone attractive, you can bring that same authenticity and confidence around them.

The next time you’re about to either message someone attractive or go on a first date with someone you’re attracted to, step into the character traits of yourself when you’re empowered, calm, and authentically you. Stand up tall, smile, and own your awesomeness. 

And remember, everyone has fears and insecurities in dating and relationships. The more you see yourself on an even playing field in the dating game, the less fearful you’ll be when you meet someone attractive, someone you feel might be “out of your league”.

Has this ever happened to you? Please share your story in the comments below.

If you’re curious about how coaching can help you work through issues like trust, hyper-vigilance, anxiety, shyness, repeated dysfunctional patterns in dating and more, let’s talk! I offer a complimentary 45-minute breakthrough session to anyone who’s seriously interested in working with me. Apply here: https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join the Woman of Value Club, where we have a monthly masterclass on topics like this one. Learn more and join here: https://lastfirstdate.com/the-woman-of-value-club/

Join my free Facebook group for women 40+ https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Check out my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.


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