Why ‘Trust Your Gut’ Is Terrible Advice!

Posted by in dating after divorce, love after 40 | 0 comments

trust your gut

You’ve been told to trust your gut in dating, but is that always the best advice? In this video, I reveal when it’s terrible advice and why.

Trust your gut! The gut always knows the truth! How many times have you received this advice? In this video, I’m going to reveal why ‘trust your gut’ can be terrible advice, and what to do instead…

Why ‘Trust Your Gut’ Is Terrible Advice!

You’ve probably had a gut feeling about someone you dated. Maybe you broke up with a guy, because your gut told you he wasn’t good for you. But, what if he really WAS a good fit for you, and your so-called ‘gut’ was wrong?

Let’s explore what exactly are gut feelings, when should we trust them, and when what we’re feeling is something else.

What’s a Gut Feeling?

Gut feelings are an inner-knowing. They are the wisest part of us that knows when something is good or bad for us. 

It’s called a “gut” feeling, because it usually starts in our gut, in the form of a fluttering like butterflies, or warmth. It can also show up as a tightening of the chest or goose bumps.

Our gut feeling comes from aligning with our core values. Its purpose is to help us be true to ourselves and make good decisions from a place of love, not fear.

Signs of a gut feeling

  • Instantly and fluid
  • A sense of calm 
  • Feels definitive, and you don’t overanalyze it
  • Feels right and simple
  • Feels loving, supportive, and expansive
  • Feels present

Can you always trust your gut?

Unfortunately, you can’t always trust your gut. Because, sometimes, it’s not a gut feeling at all. It’s a trigger.

What are triggers?

Triggers are a sensation in our bodies that come from fear, self-protection, and past pain and trauma. There are internal and external triggers.

Internal triggers

These come from within us, in the form of a memory, a physical sensation, or an emotion.

For example, if you’re on a treadmill, and your heart starts beating quickly, it might remind you of a time when you were running away from an abusive partner. That would be considered an internal trigger. The past experience returns in the present as a sensation of fear in your body.

Or when someone you’re dating doesn’t text for a day or two, it might remind you of when your father left when you were young, and trigger a fear of abandonment.

Common feelings and memories that can lead to internal triggers

  • Anger
  • Anxiety
  • Overwhelm 
  • Vulnerability
  • Feeling abandoned
  • Feeling out of control
  • Memories tied to a traumatic event
  • Pain
  • Sadness

External triggers

These come from the environment, and can be a person, place, or a specific situation.

For example, a war veteran hears fireworks, and it reminds them of guns. Their bodies feel like they’re back at war, and they become anxious and sweaty. 

Common things that may cause someone to feel externally triggered

  • A movie, show, or article that reminds you of a traumatic experience you once had
  • A person connected to a difficult experience
  • Arguing 
  • A specific time of day
  • A sound or smell that reminds you of an experience
  • When a relationship changes or ends
  • Significant dates, like a holiday or anniversary
  • A location that reminds you of an experience

When we’re reacting to a trigger, we feel it in our bodies. Become aware of the signs, such as changes in breathing or heart rate, so you can learn how to calm yourself and shift your emotional state.

When you detach yourself from the trigger, re-center, and focus on a good coping strategy, you’ll be able to think clearly and tell the difference between the inner-knowing of your brilliant intuition, and a trigger that could be trying to protect you, but have nothing to do with what’s best for you right now.

So if you’re dating someone, and something feels off, it might be your gut trying to keep you safe, because this person is really not a good match. Or it could be your mind trying to find what’s wrong, based on a trigger from your past that has nothing to do with the person you’re with. 

When in doubt, ask questions. Get curious. Once you have more information, you can make a better decision about whether to stay or go.

Knowing the difference between a gut feeling and a trigger could help you get closer to the people you like, and further away from those who are truly not your match.


If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to find your last first date, sign up for a complimentary 1/2 hour breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s book, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love.

Comments

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.