Why Women Should Make the First Move
Author Jon Birger says women should make the first move in dating. Listen to this surprising episode that will make you rethink how you date!
Jon Birger is an award-winning magazine writer and author of two dating books—Date-onomics and Make Your Move: The New Science of Dating and Why Women Are in Charge. A former senior writer at Fortune, Jon is also a familiar face and voice on television, radio, and podcasts, with appearances on ABC’s Good Morning America, BBC World Service, Girls Gotta Eat, CNBC, CNN, MSNBC, National Public Radio, and Fox News — discussing topics ranging from dating to investing. A graduate of Brown University, Jon lives with his family in Larchmont, N.Y.
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- Why the myth of biologically-determined gender roles is long overdue for debunking
- The difference between women making the first move and being overly aggressive in dating
- Why online dating has proven so disappointing for so many
- Why you should delete dating apps if long-lasting love is your goal
- The best places to find love
- How the post-#MeToo era altered the dating landscape
Why Women Should Make the First Move
What inspired you to write this book?
When I worked at Fortune, I noticed that the women had more going for them dating-wise than the men, but they were disproportionately single and had horrible dating stories. I wanted to figure out why dating was harder for them. That’s why I wrote Date-onomics. I refused to be a self-help author. But, at book signings, women wanted to know HOW to improve their love lives.
With Make Your Move: The New Science of Dating and Why Women Are in Charge, I wrote about women making the first move to find love.
One of the core messages of the book is, if you prioritize marriage, you should live your life that way.
Why do you believe the myth of biologically-determined gender roles is long overdue for debunking?
Women I interviewed who had found love had debunked the myths of gender roles. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. We’re at a transitional stage after the #MeToo movement, where guys aren’t sure when it’s okay to be assertive and when not.
The reality is, the message many books and approaches have is ‘not interested means keep trying’. Guys may not have learned all the lessons of #MeToo, but if a woman seems disinterested, they know to leave her alone. Modern times require a recalibration of what to expect in dating.
What’s the difference between ‘make the first move’ and being overly aggressive in dating?
Many women have a fear of seeming too aggressive or desperate in dating. This is where common sense comes in. Don’t overdo it. Some women believe feigning disinterest or dislike is how to get a guy.
Men like women who like them.
If a guy thinks a woman is having a good time and likes him, it’s likely he’ll ask her out again. As long as he’s not fearful of rejection, he’ll be so much more likely to move forward.
You say the workplace is one of the best places to meet potential romantic partners. That can be tricky. Explain!
I’m a fan of workplace dating, because the marriage rate is so high. These relationships are so promising, because you already know each other. Working together, you get an idea of their honesty and kindness at work. When you go on a first date, you already know many important things about each other.
Why is it time to delete the apps if long-lasting love is your goal?
On the dating apps, women have experienced threats of violence and many other safety issues. Even though there are risks, that’s primarily how people date. The advantages of dating people you know in the real world far outweigh the risks of online dating.
We can also meet people in many other ways besides work. Could be a house of worship or club you belong to. Meetup.com is my favorite dating site, even though it’s not a dating site. It’s a way for people with shared interests can connect. We bond through shared experiences, which build deeper emotional connections.
What are your final words of advice for women who want to go on their last first date?
Live your romantic life the same way you live the rest of your life. Don’t be afraid to ask men out on a date. That’s the big message in Make Your Move. Get off the dating apps. There’s a chapter called The Offline Dating Challenge to help you get offline and find love.
Watch the video here:
Connect with Jon: @Jon_birger on IG @jonbirger1 on Twitter
Buy the book here!
Check out Jon’s previous episode on Last First Date Radio here.
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