Writing Online Dating Emails that Get Him to Call

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online dating emailsOnline dating emails can be tricky. You have a small window to make or break a first impression. Since you can’t hear his voice, you don’t know the true intention behind his words. Be particularly careful about what you write and how you react to what he writes. I recently had a fun email exchange with a man on OKCupid. I’m sharing it with you as an example of writing online dating emails that get him to call you (I changed his name to protect his identity). My notes are in black in parenthesis. Several times during the exchange, I was at a choice point as to how to respond to something he said that triggered me. I could have stopped the conversation cold with the wrong response. I thought I handled it with humor and a light heart. What do you think?
Him: I had thought to arouse your attention with wit, humor, and good ‘ol down home ludic narratology or maybe my famous Fish and Grits, so says my daughter. But, I get ahead of myself, and resolve to something simple, sweet, and not too forward. Let me just say that our OkC stats look promising. Would you like to meet for tea or a drink (I’m thinking Sangria), and explore what’s behind the numbers? Maybe we can figure out OkC’s “Match” stats. From your profile, I submit OkC needs a new algorithm.
– John
Me: John, 
You had me at ‘ol down home ludic narratology. What’s a man with a smart mouth and smart hands {I used humor right off the bat, and referenced something in his profile about his smart hands} doing on a site like this? Searching for a warm, whacky, whimsical woman like me, of course. Margarita or Sangria – sounds like you’d make a fun drinking companion. Just be warned…I’m a lightweight. I can get tipsy off a half a margarita. {I wanted to let him know my drinking habits up front so he understands that I’m not a drunk}. Just enough to discuss the wisdom of OKCupid’s algorithms. So, why would my profile inspire a new algorithm? {I ended with a question. It’s a good idea to end your emails with a question if you want an answer!}
Looking forward to learning more about you, {I let him know that I want to hear back. Give a man encouragement. He’ll respond well to not having to guess how you feel.}
Sandy {I am okay sharing my first name with a man who has potential. Some people like to share an initial or a nickname until they’re comfortable.}
Him: Hi Sandy, 
Warm, whacky, and whimsical of course, and a cheap date. Ha. Truth be told, I’m a one glass kind-0-guy my self. {I like that he revealed his drinking habits. That was sparked by my comment about the 1/2 Margarita}.
Do you get into the city much? {As a resident of Connecticut, which is less than an hour from Manhattan, I get this line a lot. My first reaction is, Is he really that lazy? Won’t leave the city? Wants me to come to him? But I’m a woman of value. He should come to me!} I’m on the upper west side and work in midtown. 

– John

Me: Hi John,
Hey, I never said I was a cheap date. 1/2 a drink maybe, but there’s nothing cheap about me, baby. {I could have been offended about his comment that I’m a cheap date. I chose to be playful instead. Choose lighthearted over angry and reactive. You’ll be glad you did.} Glad to hear you’re a one drink kinda guy. I like that. {I let him know that I value that he’s not a heavy drinker. Good to discuss values in these subtle ways even before a first date.}
I do come into the city for the right kinda one-drink guy. But I’d like to know more before I make the trek in. Let me know if you’re up for a chat to see if there’s enough intrigue to land the 1/2 drinkin’ chick from CT. – Sandy {Again, I used humor to diffuse how I felt about him asking me to come to the city. And I stated my self-worth by saying that I want to talk first before making the trip in. Let’s see if he’s worth the trip…but I wasn’t bitchy at all about it.}
Him: Ha, I got you, Darlin’. I wondered how that comment would play. {Score! He was testing me, and I called him out in a way that he respected.} Nice to know you’ll call me out when I’m brash, which I may have a playful tendency to do. Never an intent to hurt or insult enters my heart. Call at your leisure xxx-xxx-xxxx. 
-John (has wheels. will travel for whimsy) {I love that he wrote this! Yay, he’ll travel for me, too. Perfect. This made me smile.}
Me: Playful is good. I am about as playful as they come. I didn’t think you meant any harm, but email has no tone, so there can be misunderstandings. Which is why it will be nice to hear your voice. I’ll try and call tomorrow night. Or you can call me if you like (your last sweet comment has deemed you digit-worthy). xxx-xxx-xxxx {I think it’s important for a man to call a woman first. Especially at this age, where chivalry still matters, and a man wants to feel like he chose you and hunted you. Your value rises when he feels he has a catch. So, I recommend that woman get a Google Voice number and protect their identity. It’s not traceable, and you can vet your calls.}
Talk soon, 
There you have it. From first email to phone call. There’s an art to writing online dating emails that get him to call you. But with a little practice, humor, and flirting, you’ll be getting a spreadsheet to keep track of your dating schedule!
Please share your dating email stories. I’d love to hear what worked/didn’t work for you.


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