Your Dating List Might be Keeping You From Finding Love
Crazy story this morning in the Huffington Post about a surgeon who sent an email to all the people he met at a networking event. What was in that email? A list of what he’s looking for in a mate. Not just any list. No, this list was quite specific. It was also insulting, demanding, and delusional. It’s a great example as to why your dating list might be keeping you from finding love.
The Deluded Dating List
Here are some of the highlights of his list:
- “Spent significant time (>1 yr) living in a city of 1 million or more.”
- “Highly functional Type B (not a Type A because too similar, not a Type B who can’t get stuff done)”
- “Skinny (i.e. dress size 0-2, if you don’t know what that means (many men don’t) it means very skinny)”
- “Never does bad things because of values.”
- “Spent significant time in another country other than the US (either born somewhere else or lived out of the US for a total of a 6 months or more, not on a vacation, doing something like school or work)”
- “Graduate degree or very good undergraduate school (more compatible since I went to 3 Ivy League schools i.e. Dartmouth, Columbia & Harvard, as well as Emory and my MBA from NYU)”
- “Wants kids in the next 1-2 years.”
- “An 8 out of the 1-10 scale — 9-10 is actually bad as it comes with a lot of downside.”
- “Caucasian (not black, not Hispanic, not Asian)”
- “Altruistic, selfless”
- “Gets along well with everyone”
While this guy is clearly a jerk who lives in a fantasy world, it’s an important illustration as to why having too specific a list is potentially preventing you from finding love.
I do advocate for a clear idea as to what you absolutely need in a relationship. Character traits and values should be on the top of the list.
What should not be on the list is the external stuff. A person can lose weight, change the way they dress, and learn some new skills. A few inches in height shouldn’t make that much of a difference. A person can not change their internal core. Character is the most important criteria in a healthy relationship. Never make that negotiable.
What’s on your list?
To view the email that the surgeon sent in its entirety, click here. But be forewarned. You’re likely to want to punch the guy out!
For more midlife dating advice and a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” please click here.
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