Your Dating List Might be Keeping You From Finding Love

Posted by in love after 40 | 2 comments

dating listCrazy story this morning in the Huffington Post about a surgeon who sent an email to all the people he met at a networking event. What was in that email? A list of what he’s looking for in a mate. Not just any list. No, this list was quite specific. It was also insulting, demanding, and delusional. It’s a great example as to why your dating list might be keeping you from finding love.

The Deluded Dating List 

Here are some of the highlights of his list:

  • “Spent significant time (>1 yr) living in a city of 1 million or more.”
  •  “Highly functional Type B (not a Type A because too similar, not a Type B who can’t get stuff done)”
  •  “Skinny (i.e. dress size 0-2, if you don’t know what that means (many men don’t) it means very skinny)”
  •  “Never does bad things because of values.”
  •  “Spent significant time in another country other than the US (either born somewhere else or lived out of the US for a total of a 6 months or more, not on a vacation, doing something like school or work)”
  •  “Graduate degree or very good undergraduate school (more compatible since I went to 3 Ivy League schools i.e. Dartmouth, Columbia & Harvard, as well as Emory and my MBA from NYU)”
  •  “Wants kids in the next 1-2 years.”
  •  “An 8 out of the 1-10 scale — 9-10 is actually bad as it comes with a lot of downside.”
  •  “Caucasian (not black, not Hispanic, not Asian)”
  •  “Altruistic, selfless”
  •  “Gets along well with everyone”

While this guy is clearly a jerk who lives in a fantasy world, it’s an important illustration as to why having too specific a list is potentially preventing you from finding love.

I do advocate for a clear idea as to what you absolutely need in a relationship. Character traits and values should be on the top of the list.

What should not be on the list is the external stuff. A person can lose weight, change the way they dress, and learn some new skills. A few inches in height shouldn’t make that much of a difference. A person can not change their internal core. Character is the most important criteria in a healthy relationship. Never make that negotiable.

What’s on your list?

To view the email that the surgeon sent in its entirety, click here. But be forewarned. You’re likely to want to punch the guy out!



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  1. Oh MY God.. he’s probably a fat, balding ugly pompous vain doctor with a small penis. But a big wallet which he throws at you to compensate for the penis. He lost me before he got to the definition of skinny.
    What an asshole…trying to reward matchmakers with cosmetic surgery? Oh, did i add unethical?

    Geez….. yep, you warned us…

    Oh.. my list? Includes emotionally available, a good conversationalist, intelligent, somewhat outgoing-good conversationalist. Looks are nice but not as important as the other things. Admittedly I’m not interested in man who’s already had 3 marriages, even 2 are questionable. Young kids for a man in his late 50s or early 60s doesn’t work for me in a couple of ways!

  2. Walker, you’re a riot. Small penis indeed. Yeah, the cosmetic surgery really got me. I love that the grand prize is Lasik in one eye only. WTF?

    I like your list. Those things are on my list, too. I am more open about multiply married men. I have learned that there is a story behind why people marry multiple times. They tend to be similar types of men who fall in love quickly. Some have been widowed once or even twice. I like to know the story, and most importantly, what they’ve learned from their experiences.

    I also dated a man who had a 4 year old daughter from a second marriage. The thought of raising another daughter through her teens at this stage in my life…not so much.

    Thanks again for your comment!

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